10 Things I Wish I Would Have Known as a Newlywed

Happy Valentine’s Day!  I often feel alone in my opinion, but I love Valentine’s Day. To me it is not about chocolates and flowers, it is about expressions of love and romance.    I was fortunate enough to get married on February 14th, 1987 which means it is also the day we celebrate our wedding anniversary.  It is a great day to get married but it is a tough day to commemorate an anniversary because everyone else is celebrating.

It is hard to believe Jim and I have been married for 28 years.  In our years together we have known great joy and intense pain but it is in the journey that we have learned so much about who we want to become. Based on some of what we have learned I created the “10 Things I Wish I would have known as a Newlywed”. While I am still working on making sure my priorities are in the right order, it was the through the  years of struggles where we endured to come to a place where  we can appreciate all we have learned.

                                                                                 1O Things I Wish I Would Have Known As A Newlywed!

10 Things Before Marriage

1) Comparison is the root of all disappointment  I should never compare my path or my life to that of someone else because often I do not know what they have sacrificed to be where they are. Always try to be the best version of me.

2) Have an Attitude of Gratitude– Say thank you often for the big things and also in the small things. In the end appreciation is about being grateful for all you have because soon you will come to realize that sometimes it was the seemingly small things that matter most. Celebrate the small things and always say thank you.

3) Learn to apologize so the other person knows that they were heard and your actions or words were hurtful.

4) Work to resolve conflict and do not shy aware from things that are bothersome.  I want Jim to feel that he can bring up things that frustrate, anger, or annoy him so we can fight for our marriage to be the best it can be.  Conflict avoidance can lead to many problems so learn the skills to resolve conflict early in your marriage.

5) Appreciate family – there were many people who were influential in my life and while my family was not perfect it did have a profound impact on who I am. I am now the age that my parents were when I was a newlywed and their wisdom and guidance then could have helped me with our early struggles. Not only do I wish I would have asked, I wish I would have listened.

6) Make marriage a priority – Even when money was tight the best investment is committing to my relationship with my husband. I would work on learning and growing both personally and professionally. I would become a student of my husband and commit to make me a work in progress.

7) Do not covet thy neighbor’s stuff- It is a ten commandment for a reason because when I desire something others have it can become a slippery slope of envy.  When I would want for things so others would think different of me, I lost sight of what blessings I was taking for granted. Anyone who has ever sold something in a garage sale knows how quickly things we had to have lose their value.  Store up your treasures in heaven and not here on earth where they can be destroyed.

8) Surround yourself with friends who support your marriage. I have always been blessed with terrific friends and I wish I would have been around them more in my early years of marriage.  We need to surround ourselves with people who hold us accountable and reliable. A good friend loves at all times so search for or keep people around who motivate us to be our best self.

9) Pray with your spouse and for your spouse.  It is a powerful talk with God that keeps you focused on what really matters

10)  Time goes by very fast so laugh often, love deeply, and live your life.

Be  sure and check out our new podcast for pre-marrieds at … http://yourmarriage-matters.com/category/podcast/

God Bless!

Christie Jacobus LPC-S, M.Ed, RN-BC, MSN.



Christie Jacobus LPC-S, M.Ed, RN-BC, MSN

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